Changing the World... One Mind at a Time

We all get stuck behind a thought (that we create!) and then proceed to gather evidence to justify the thought or belief. We create experiences which we then interpret as supporting our interpretations.

A whirlwind of insanity that is consistently repeated... and then again! So we can say... see, I told you so!, I told you I was right (eous). We need to do this in order to support our sense of reality to maintain our reality.

Psychotherapy, in my mind anyway, is not, nor should it be, about fixing a problem, or colluding with another person's belief or thought structure. It is a complex process of helping you clarify your understanding of your experience, exploring that understanding, reflecting that understanding, expanding that understanding and then altering the perception to help provide a sense of inclusion and connection; to experience your understanding through another's eyes without judgment or assumptions.

When I'm asked what modality do I use in psychotherapy, I typically answer, "client-centred"... I want to fully understand what it's like to be inside your perception. (If there's any person who's training and philosophy I follow more than other's, it's Irvin Yalom. http://www.yalom.com/ ). I want to help you understand that it is not what the world does to us... it is what we do to the world! It is to recognise the choices we make and to understand why we make those particular choices. What causes us to interpret the experiences we have the way we do?

In order to accomplish changing the world, I can only do that one mind at a time. And it's not that I'm trying to "change" your mind! It's allowing you to consider other possibilities, Possibilities that may create an expanded perspective. I need to be constantly reminding myself to be vigilant around my own process... to continue to be questioning with humility and without judgment or assumptions (yah, like that's easy to do!). (We cannot do this on our own for reasons which I hope are self-apparent.)

To continue to be intensely curious... to continue to expand my perspective by getting outside of the justified vision I have created to allow myself to consider other possibilities and not get stuck in a rigid sense of reality.
I speak to groups of people and individuals, but I know the reality is that I can only work with my mind and then help you work with yours. We can and are changing the world... one mind at a time.


Until later
Leland

http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
http://www.lelandclipperton.blogspot.com/
705 443 8290
905 510 9117

How to be a Human: Some Rules of Life

Let's start with the obvious... We have a body.

Our bodies are indicators that we're “alive” (with a sense of temporary permanence). You may like your body or not, but you will have it from the time you’re born to the day you die. We all seem to have things about our bodies that are either too big or too small or not in the right place. Our genetics are the creation of our ancestors… blame them if you need to blame someone. Then, do with it what you can to keep it healthy. Look at the obvious... What do you put into your body? Is it nurished sufficiently? Do you exercise your body? enough? do you sleep enough?

We learn lessons.

We all need to learn the same things about life and how to live. It’s a full time job. Everything we experience is a potential lesson and it never seems to end. Just when we think we get something, we don't. What's in your rear view mirror?

We will experience mistakes.

Mistakes seem to be part of growing. Now, chhhilll.... relaaaax...  We can only make decisions based on what we know at the time we made that decision… it cannot then be a “mistake”. We can, however, learn from the information we acquire following a decision (that creates the “mistake”) to assess our criteria for that decision.

We repeat lessons.

We tend to bang our proverbial heads against the wall until we reduce our resistance and the “new” information sinks in. Until then, be prepared for the same old… same old!

We create our own lessons, so we need to address them.

Our job is to become aware of the obstacles we present to ourselves. The more we blame, the more pain we will experience. Our problems are often an indicator of a quietly held belief or issue that we need to deal with. Challenge your resistance, be brave and have faith.

The world changes when we change.

Change is a conscious practice that creates wisdom. When we alter our beliefs, we expand our ability to manage our lives and feel empowered.

The grass isn’t greener over there.

It’s better to not avoid or procrastinate your current situation by thinking that something else is better. Use the circumstances to “correct” where you are and then you’ll move forward on your journey.

The world is our mirror.

If we don’t like something or if we do like something it will be because we have a personal attachment for a reason… we need to figure out what that reason is to help us with our sensitivities.

We are driving the bus.

Only we are responsible for the direction of our lives through our actions, our choices and our beliefs.

Our mind is the projector, the world our screen.

Our conscious and subconscious mind directs us and guides us. How we think is manifested in our world, exposing our hidden and not so hidden beliefs. All is shown to us in time.

Fear and judgment is the opposite of love.

These two polarized states of mind can not co-exist. Love is unconditional acceptance. It is our willingness to extend ourselves to nurture our own or someone else’s spiritual growth.

Our minds are pattern making machines

It’s our way of developing our illusions of control over reality. It’s also why we tend to repeat our circumstances, sometimes without knowing it.

We are resistant to our own patterns.

We like to find someone else or some situation more accountable than our own minds. Our resistance makes it easier to justify not learning or forgetting what would be beneficial to us.

Trust what you know.

Thinking is a lower state of being than knowing. Thinking is either doubting what we know or attempting to acquire new information. Trust what you know.

Memory is not fallible, learning is.

When we are open and non-resistant at the point of learning, we remember our learning… when we are anxious, uncomfortable and resistant, the information doesn’t enter the mind in the same way and it’s much more difficult to remember. Doesn’t it seem better to be open and challenge our resistance.

Until later
Leland
Leland@CounsellingandMediation.com
http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/

Judgment

None of us like to think that we "judge" (or at last don't like being caught in the act or think we are doing it on purpose). Most of us consider judgment as a form of looking for or creating negative information... typically about somone else. Some use it as a form of entertainment...


Is "judging" normal? What's the purpose of this? What is the fimiliar outcome? Why do we do it... and sooooo frequently....?

Is it a comparison to allow ourselves to feel better? If we are critical or find fault in another person then at least we can say that "we don't do that!" or "look like that" or "aren't that way"... Even in our "positive judgment" we tend to be comparing... noticing differences... Why?

What then draws our attention to "that" in the first place and then cause us to place judgement?

Our judgments allow us to hold our typically thought patterns and beliefs in place.

We construct a sense of reality that we maintain through obtaining ongoing evidence to support that sense of reality. We forget that that evidence is biased due to our interpretation of the reality we construct. Follow?

This is an important recognition in order to alter our circumstances and why our judgments are important to notice. It also can explain why we tend to be repetitive.

When we are able to be more objective, we notice patterns of judgment... themes, if you will, that indicate our personal sensitivities, our inner beliefs.

This is the reality of what drives us, what motivates our conscious behaviours. Our attempt to hold the patterns in place. We develop a familiarity with our patterns and become entrenched with them, support them, believe in them... often to the extent that considering alternatives becomes seemingly impossible.

It takes conscious effort and an act of faith to extend ourselves beyond our patterns of belief. We only need to believe the world to be this way because we don't really understand it and need to feel a sense of control over our chaos.



It makes sense that our judgments then occur for a reason... and I'm not judging that you have judgments! It occurs for a reason.... write down what you feel judgmental about... the patterns... the themes. This information is critical to your fundamental change potential and may provide reasons for the pattern re-occurring.

Until later
Leland

Leland@CounsellingandMediation.com
http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
705 443 8290
905 510 9117

Valentine's Day

Is this a day of celebration of love in your life? Is it about that special gift? That special person?
For some, it is a day of regret, of loss, of depression...


The kind of love most associated with this day, is typically about romantic love created from our limited sense of what that kind of love is.

We can also look at how much we like someone, how much we enjoy their company, how much we may think of them in their absense, what our personal preferences and tolerances may be, are we comfortable with them, are they our friends, do we trust them, do they have our back?.

All the couples I've worked with, whether through counselling or mediation, have been different to each other... every couple! It shows me that our life partners are supposed to be different (our friends tend to be more similar). It creates a perfect balance... a ying - yang... One is usually more intraverted, the other extraverted; one a thinker, the other a feeler; one sensory, the other intuitive, etc. and it makes sense...

If you were able to have 2 people help you solve a problem, picking people with differing perspectives and approaches will create more information which will help you make a better decision.

The trick (if there is one) is to understand that the differences that attract us in the first place, can become a personal threat or a threat to the relationship. Remember that he/she is supposed to be different and our job is to learn and grow from that difference... to expand ourselves and challenge our tolerances.

Love is available for all. Don't just think about romantic love... think about all love, parents, friends, children, co-workers, etc.

Happy Valentine's Day

Until Leland

http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
www.Twitter.com/lelandbytweet
705 443 8290
905 510 9117

Misery Loves Company!

We all know this expression... but don't want to admit it, nor say that (sssshhhhh... quietly now) we have misery in our lives.

With the opportunity I've offered for free sessions... I've heard from more than one person, that yah, I've got problems (issues) but I don't want to (not ready to) do anything yet...

We all put ourselves into a postition where we are experiencing discomfort in some fashion or another and then do three things....

1. "I'm not accountable for what I did to put myself here" ("I didn't do it") and....
2.  "There's no other option" ("what are gonna do anyway?") and/or
3.  "It's not going to work anyway" ("It won't make a difference").

Even when viable options are presented to us, we balk at those options and will not consider or accept them as possibilities....

Here's the paradox (do you see it yet?)

If we say we're unhappy, disturbed, unsettled (or however else you may choose to describe your misery) then why wouldn't we even consider alternatives?????????

Try, just for a day, practising acceptance of viable options... just to see. The worst that can happen is that you'll have more information than what you had before trying something different.

Remember that repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results doesn't work.
Let's help ourselves and each other out of this old repetitive pattern!

For those who are begining to understand the theme in my teachings, I'd like to hear from you.
I know that some don't want to know... want to be able to continue to blame and find fault...
Some "get it" on varying levels and are having difficulty with application (the majority of us)
Others occasionally experience peace through application of these principals...

If we are experiencing misery... of course we need a reason(s) for this. Having others collude with our misery is practically a requirement! The scary part is... what if, in our own way, we are all doing this?

Remember... seek out options, consider them, try them out.
Tomorrow... Valentines... love.... hhhmmmmm.

Until later,
Leland

http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
www.twittier.com/lelandbytweet
705 443 8290
905 510 9117

only 12 sessions left!

There are 12 free sessions left.
Email or call today to get yours!

Until later
Leland


http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
Leland@CounsellingandMediation.com
705 443 8290
905 510 9117

Celebrating 17 years!

A GIFT FOR YOU FROM http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/


CELEBRATING 17 YEARS IN BUSINESS

complimentary one hour session with Leland

17 sessions given away… absolutely free of charge


If you feel someone you care about may benefit from using this gift, I encourage you to… pay it forward


First come…first serve. Don’t miss this opportunity!

Must make your appointment by March 1, 2011.

No cancellations are accepted once appointment is booked.

One coupon, one gift per person ($100 dollar value)

(additional sessions available at regular fees)

Healing minds, one person at a time.

- Thank you for all your support over the years -


print page and cut off coupon to bring to appointment or give away

Appointment contact: Leland@CounsellingandMediation.com

Collingwood 705-443-8290

Mississauga 905-510-9117

Book your complimentary appointment today or pay it forward.

Perchance to Dream

Are you living the dream you really want or are you living the dream you don't want?



Is your focus on what you don't have or on what's wrong with what you do have? ... perhaps a shift in focus is what's required!

It may be that you may not be clear about what you want... simple question... not always easy to answer.

Focus on what you feel good about, what excites you, what you look forward to in your day... For now, set aside any thoughts of how you might achieve/acquire these (assuming you don't have them yet).

The exercise is only to clarify what you want... what do you want to be doing?, where do you want to be?, what do you want to be?, what do you want to have?


Until later,
Leland
http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
Leland@CounsellingandMediation.com

Mind's eye

We all tend to have recurring thoughts that may seem to distract us from what we "should" be thinking about... in some ways we're all a little ADD...



What do you tend to be drawn to in your thoughts? What seems to be your focus, in spite you telling yourself not to think about ______ ?

Or, alternatively, what do you try to not think about? Remember one of the "rules of our brain" (found elsewhere in my blog)... what we try to not think about is what we think about!

Instead of struggling with this process, consider it as something natural... even helpful! After all, there must be some reason why our minds get taken to certain places.

Consider that our thoughts are not always meant to be taken literally... but rather figuratively. Our thoughts are indicators of our inner beliefs... our subconscious and perhaps the very obstacles that disable us from actually having/obtaining what we want?

Why don't we have what we say we want and why do we have what we say we don't want?
Hhhhmmmmmm?



This is a difficult, challenging (if not impossible) process to conduct in our own little minds. Most find it easier/neccessary to get help when we are willing to explore this further.  It is difficult to amend a problem that we created in the first place.


Until later
Leland
http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
Leland@CounsellingandMediation.com

"Mind's" Eye?

What is in your "mind's" eye? What do you find yourself thinking about in a repeated manner? What thoughts seem to draw your focus more than others? Or alternatively, what you try not to think about? ... which causes you to think about it more!



It's important to know what these things are. They are indicators... clue if you will, into our inner beliefs... our "minds" eye.

I put mind in "" because we have two distinct and separate thought systems... conscious ... unconscious; ego ... spiritual; ... struggle, conflict, fear & judgement ... peaceful...

If you don't have what you think you want... why not? It could be that your "minds" eye is drawn to the

 very obstacle that disables you from having that which you want!

Are you thinking with your minds eye or your eyes mind?

Until later
Leland

http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
leland@CounsellingandMediation.com