I often find myself considering the roles that are played out in my life, and the resulting rules that tend to reinforce those roles. You know the ones I mean, child, adult, boyfriend, husband, friend, father, employee, employer, etc. Primiarily the roles are self-defined as we are or think we should be in relationship to others. What I don't often consider is what lies beyond those roles... what do I really think about them?, why am choosing to define them in the way that I do?
Let's take the role of father...
What rules seem to define that role... be a protector, provider, teacher. Let's see... the more money I provide, the better father I'll be... haven't done so well with that one...
Be a protector... hhmmmm... be responsible for having my children not encounter abuse, abandonement, hardship, alienation, lonliness, black eyes, sickness, unhealthy relationships... again, not so good in my department.
Okay maybe I'll do better as a teacher... pass along valuable information and experience that'll help troubleshoot negative circumstances, make really informed decisions, be really healthy... hhhmmmm, do I need to respond to that????
I'm left with confusion, frustration and general lack of clarity about what a "good" father is.
I'm working on a workshop that is being to fathers who want to create a closer emotional bond with their children, who want to clarify their role, who want to add to their existing skills as fathers.
Our children need us to be mentors, positive role models and if we're unsure or doubtful about how we're doing that, this 8 week workshop will be for you.
Know that you are a good father, that you simply need to better understand what that is.
Leland Clipperton, H.S.C.