Separation Issues

How Do I Avoid Being Criminally Charged By My Spouse?

By Daniel Moore*

It is an unfortunate truth that, at times of separation, one spouse occasionally seeks to get the upper hand by making a false allegation to the police and having their spouse charged with a criminal offence. A criminal charge will usually remove the spouse from the matrimonial home and may severely restrict access to the children.

The following are some tips that may help you avoid being charged, or at least assist in your defence if you do get charged:

• The most common criminal charges are 'assault' and 'threatening'. Remember that an assault includes even the most minor touching, such as a push or a poke with your finger. So walk away if an argument starts, remembering that your spouse may be intentionally trying to upset you in the hopes that you will react. Never say (even if you don't mean it) phrases that refer to death, bodily harm or property damage such as "I wish you were dead", "I'm going to kill you", "If I can't have you, no one else can", "I'll never let you go", "I'll burn this bed before I let you sleep with someone else in it", etc.
• Keep a detailed daily journal recording where you are and who you are with so that if your spouse says you did something at 4:00 p.m. six weeks ago you can respond that this would be impossible as you were somewhere else and the person you were with can be a witness for you.
• If your interactions with your spouse are hostile, avoid contact as much as possible by, for example, using a friend or relative to assist in dropping off and picking up the children.
• Never send an email or call your spouse while angry.
• Let your lawyers do what you pay them to do. Don't discuss custody, access or money issues directly with your spouse.
• Use a digital recording device or an App for your smartphone to record all your interactions with your spouse so that you can play the conversation back to the police if your spouse reports you. Recording conversations that you are not a party to is unlawful.
• If you are a firearm owner, be 100% certain that it is properly registered and safely stored. If possible, get rid of it entirely.
• If you are attempting to reconcile, use the professional help of a counselor or therapist.
• Do NOT try to be an amateur detective and follow your spouse around hoping to discover infidelity, as this may be seen as criminal harassment.
• Do NOT access password-protected emails or other data, even if it is on a shared computer.
• Do NOT use a "keytracker" or other program to surreptitiously monitor your spouse's computer use.
• If there has been infidelity, DO NOT contact the other party or the other party's spouse.

*Daniel Moore is a Certified Specialist in Criminal law and is a partner with the law offices of Heller, Rubel 

Why Mediation Helps

It makes sense that we all tend to see things differently.

We all have varying life experiences, information, judgements, perspectives and interests. We all think differently. People tend to become rigid and fixed in their expectations and beliefs about what's "right or wrong".

Conflict occurs when there is a perception of competing interests between people. Because of our perceived differences, conflict seems to be a natural and normal occurrence in our lives. When conflict occurs in a family, particularly around a marriage separation, it can be worse because of the emotion involved. Taking sides and being right can seem even more important than never.

These situations can often needlessly affect the well-being and natural development of children. Children can not help but be involved and their needs require sensitive attention. They can feel like it's their fault or feel responsible for fixing the situation. They can feel helpless, hopeless and alone. Others can also feel this way. Lots of scrambled emotion... guessing, assuming and confusion for all involved!
Seeing a skilled mediator can help resolve this.

Mediation is a process which involves the use of collaborative techniques by a mediator who is a neutral third party. The mediator informally assists disputing parties in voluntarily reaching their own mutually acceptable settlement of some or all of the issues in dispute by structuring the negotiation, maintaining an open channel of communication, articulating the needs of each party and identifying the issues.

Mediators are committed to a process that is: voluntary, private, confidential, self-determining, creative, practical and flexible. We help you create an informed, mutual decision. Mediators are not decision makers or judges.

Being involved in a marital separation is a difficult process. Using the services of a professional mediator is the best alternative to litigation. A mediator will help you work through and mutually agree on delicate and sensitive issues like parenting, new partners, asset division, and financial support with awareness and understanding.

We will help you develop an agreement that you can support because it will come from you, it is your agreement.

Family mediation is appropriate for the following situation:

1. On marriage/cohabitation breakdown, helping couples negotiate a marriage or cohabitation agreement providing for financial and property matters, and/or parenting plan for any children.
2. When considering living with or marrying someone, helping negotiate a marriage or cohabitation contract dealing with financial matters while living together, on death and on separation.
3. When family/intergenerational conflicts arise between children and parents, helping establish an understanding of issues and helping the family create a means to their resolution.
4. In business disputes between family members, helping the family members create a partnership agreement, reach an informal understanding of how the business will be run, or establish terms for the dissolution or sale of the business.

The main benefits of family mediation are:

1. Where children are involved, the focus is kept on the best   interest of the children.
2. The ability to resolve issues in a way that suits the clients best and enables them to speak directly to the outcome.
3. An opportunity to speak directly to the other person about issues of concern in a neutral and safe environment.
4. An opportunity to learn skills for better communication and cooperative problem solving for the future.
5. Can be less expensive and simpler than court processes.
6. Lessening tensions and removing an adversarial atmosphere.
7. The process is private and confidential.

Mediation allows the parties in a dispute to examine their interests and concerns, explore a variety of creative options and develop their own solutions in a timely manner.

Until later,
Leand
http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
info@CounsellingandMediation.com
(905) 510-9117
(705) 443-8290