I Get To!

Many of us have had life changing moments that are occasssionly recalled in positive ways as well as negative ways... Here is one...


I was having one of those bad mornings a number of years ago... thinking about bills to pay, dishes to do, clients to see and I HAD to take our son to school... generally telling myself that I was soooo burdened and victimized in my life...

All the things I HAD TO DO!!!!!

Coincidently my brother called in the midst of the building turmoil in my mind... "Hi, how's it goin?" he said. Well, I let into him about ALL the "problems" and "burdens" I was experiencing, including having to drive my son to school...

He responded... "Oh, you mean you GET to take him to school!"
My life change in that moment... I do get to, I don't HAVE TO... I choose to...

No matter what excuses or justifications I use to explain or experience my self-victimization, I am choosing in that moment. Not because I neccessarily want to but because I am asleep in my own dream of struggle and conflict and am busy gathering evidence to make it all seem real and justified. Why would I choose to think that doing something I actually enjoyed and would certainly miss when I couldn't do it, would be a burden? (It was certainly bitter-sweet when he got his first car and was driving himself to school! like teaching your child to ty his own shoes, knowing that you won't be able to after he learns...)

I get to choose. What a novel idea and perspective to remember and what a seemingly easy thing to forget.

Until later,
Leland Clipperton, H.S.C.

http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
info@CounsellingandMediation.com
(905) 510-9117
(705) 443-8290

Medication?

Most people do not like the idea of taking medication... It can be reminder (we think) that there really is something wrong that needs to be corrected rather than, perhaps, an organic dysfunction that is primarily genetic.

I am often asked about the use and belief structure regarding pharmaceutical medications for depression and/or anxiety.
The litmus test I include in my questioning cover many areas... the first of which is physiological.

What is your medical/family history? Has there been or is there evidence of depression or anxiety in other family members? i.e. siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents...

Have you had a complete physical yourself? There are many medical imbalances that can contribute to the way you are feeling, particularly in areas where you may feel less able to cope and manage your life in an effective manner.

If you are dealing with an organic/genetic issue then it may be that you have already been trying many different ways to manage the "problem" and yet still struggle. You may have read "solutions" on the internet, in books... talked to others suffering, or with therapists or counsellors... still with no desired outcome.

This suggests that the "solution" is not to be found in additional information or the "right" therapist. It may be that medication may be helpful and the idea should be explored with your physician or naturopath to help re-balance the genetic issues so that therapy will be more effective.

Try the differing perspective that the issues you are dealing with may have an organic or physiological component and is not part of who you really are, it is not your identity, although I know many of my clients initially identify with it in this way. i.e. I'm a depressed or anxious person as opposed to a person with depression or anxiety.

Medication may, for some people, be a contributing factor to allowing you feel more able to focus on making the beneficial changes you want in your life. Check your resistance if this has been suggested to you and at least allow yourself to consider the idea as a possibility.
Medication is not "the answer", it is not a happy pill, it will not do the therapeutic work required on its own, however, it can be the additional alteration required. I suggest that you work with a therapist first to help you identify and begin to address the obvious concerns. If you find that you are not able to create the appropriate changes, it may be an indication that medication will help.


If you have questions, speak with your doctor or therapist or you may write me.

Until later,
Leland Clipperton, H.S.C.

http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
info@CounsellingandMediation.com
(905) 510-9117
(705) 443-8290

What's Important?

What is it that causes us to feel that some things are important in our lives and other things are not?
It's also curious that what we hold as important seems to fluctuate over time or is dependant on a particular situation.

We are constantly receiving feedback from the world... providing us with information which may prove valuable to become aware of and understand differently, especially when the information is upsetting or we attempt to avoid it! It doesn't fit with our belief structure or it does and we are minimizing or denying the information.

Our sensitivity to a specific piece of information is the key to whether we may need to pay attention to it or not...

In fact, doesn't it make sense that if something doesn't bother us, we really wouldn't notice it the same anyway? It doesn't feel disturbing or offensive or attacking... it's just information.

Say, for instance, someone you don't know so well says something to you about a shirt you're wearing. Like... it's the wrong colour for you. They express the information as a simple opinion. You would typically hear that just as information, not as a judgement about you and you do not take the comment personally.

Now, let's say you hear the same comment from someone close to you... and the *!#% hits the fan! You feel offended, attacked, defensive... why? What's the difference?

When you find yourself feeling disturbed or offended, you are feeling that way for a reason. That reason may not be because that person got up in the morning thinking about what they could say or do to you that would upset you... even though it may feel that way... He/she's out to get me... like the boss or co-worker. (This could be a projection of self-victimization!)

All I'm suggesting that if we want to grow, we need to look at our resistance to our "sensitivities" and the possible reasons why those exist. They may lead us to why we consider some things important and not others.... Our sensitivities are there for a reason. Let's make use of them to help us create the positive changes we really want.

Until later
Leland
http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
info@CounsellingandMediation.com
(905) 510-9117
(705) 443-8290