Apologize! ... No way!

Apologies are not about doing something wrong or condoning a certain behavior, it’s about recognition and acknowledgment of how our actions affect another.

It’s an admittance that our actions do effect others (and ourselves).

In relationships we offer information through our behaviour and connection (or lack of) that contributes to an outcome. If that outcome is not what we’re looking for, then apologizing can also be a recognition of how our behavior also effects those involved.


It can allow for change to occur. Make some room to work towards forgiving yourself and the other person for what’s happened, not condoning it, but understanding it differently.

They may not accept the apology, but will know how you really feel with the added bonus that it’ll help clarify this for you.

Remember to be gentle through the process… be mindful of the judgment and assumptions that can (and probably will) occur. Just note/observe them, don’t use or manipulate them.

An alternative may be to use the judgments and assumptions to elevate your insight and understanding of your yourself and the situation. It may be that these occur as a result of fear... knowing this may help lead to what that fear(s) might be.

Apoligizing is not saying that the behaviour is ok, saying "I'm sorry" is meaningless unless there is understanding of what you're apoligizing for and are willing to alter your thinking and behaviour regarding what happened. Use the experience as learning and be willing to consider alternatives.

Until later
Leland
http://www.counsellingandmediation.com/
info@CounsellingandMediation.com
(905) 510-9117
(705) 443-8290