| Who needs Hollywood when we have Family Court? |
| When Ontario’s Superior Court of Justice Quinn was assigned the case of Larry Bruni v. Catherine Bruni in 2010, he was not looking for entertainment. What he found was a family in crisis with parents feuding over their children. After Larry and Catherine were married, they had two children, 13 year old Taylor and 11 year old Brandon. Larry’s close friend was Sam. They worked together. Larry was the best man at Sam’s wedding. A few years later, Sam separated from his wife. This was around the same time that Larry and Catherine also separated. Sam and Catherine are now together and live very close to Larry and his new partner. After Mr. Justice Quinn presided over this trial (where neither parent was represented by a lawyer), he sat down to write his judgment. In his opening paragraph, he writes: “Paging Dr. Freud. Paging Dr. Freud.” And then, he continues: “This is yet another case that reveals the ineffectiveness of Family Court in a bitter custody/access dispute, where the parties require therapeutic intervention rather than legal attention. Here, a husband and wife have been marinating in a mutual hatred so intense as to surely amount to a personality disorder requiring treatment.” The following are some quotations of Mr. Justice Quinn in the judgment: “In the midst of this social stew, perhaps it is not surprising that Larry and Catherine are having problems, serious problems, regarding the custody of, and access to, their children. The source of the difficulties is hatred: a hardened, harmful, high-octane hatred. Larry and Catherine hate each other, as do Larry and Sam. This hatred has raged unabated since the date of separation. Consequently, the likelihood of an amicable resolution is laughable (hatred devours reason) and a satisfactory legal solution is impossible (hatred has no legal remedy).” “At one point in the trial, I asked Catherine: “If you could push a button and make Larry disappear from the face of the earth, would you push it ? Her ‘I just won a lottery’ smile implied the answer that I expected.” “It is likely that, in the period 2004 to 2006, Larry was having one or more extramarital affairs. Interestingly, Larry’s father was married 5 times, in addition to going through several relationships. Perhaps there is an infidelity gene.” “Larry gave evidence that, less than one month later, Catherine “tried to run me over with her van.” This is always a telltale sign that a husband and wife are drifting apart.” “On November 21, 2006, Catherine demanded $400 from Larry or her brother was “going to get the Hells Angels after me.” The courtroom energy level in a custody/access dispute spikes quickly when there is evidence that one of the parents has a Hells Angels branch in her family tree. Certainly, my posture improved. Catherine’s niece is engaged to a member of the Hells Angels. I take judicial notice of the fact that the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club is a criminal organization (and of the fact that the niece has made a poor choice).” “On August 13, 2007, Catherine’s niece (Donna), telephoned Larry “and told me I will get a bullet in my head if I don’t sign the adoption papers. She called back later and told me I’m as good as dead.” She called a third time “to tell me her father and uncles are coming to kill me.” Donna is a devotee of the literary device known as “repetition for emphasis.” I do not know whether Donna is the niece who is engaged to the Hells Angels member. If she is, they may be more compatible than I initially surmised.” “Larry, who regularly drives by the residence of Sam and Catherine, often shoots the finger. A finger is worth a thousand words and, therefore, is particularly useful should one have a vocabulary of less than a thousand words.” “On another occasion in July of 2009, Larry said to Taylor: ‘You put shit in this hand and shit in this hand, smack it together, what do you get ? Taylor.’ I gather that this is Larry’s version of the Big Bang Theory.” “The parental alienation in this case reflects an intent by Catherine to destroy the relationship between Taylor and Larry; it is shocking conduct. It also amounts to a hideous repudiation of the relationship between Catherine and Larry as co-parents of Taylor. The harm here probably is irreparable.” In his final expression of exasperation, Mr. Justice Quinn writes: “It is touching how a trial judge can retain his naivety even after 15 years on the bench.” Thanks to Steve Benmor... Until later, Leland |
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Real Cases
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Good Intentions
My Dad used to say to me that the road to hell is paved with good intentions...
Most people mean well... they don't mean to do things or say things that are meant to be hurtful.
I will say, sorry, I didn't mean to do that!... I didn't mean to say that!
The safest conclusion I've been able to come to is that our crimes are not ones of intent, but ones of thoughtlessness or lack of consideration...
the rule of thumb being to practice being more considerate and thoughtful... easier said than done!
Until later,
Leland
www.counsellingandmediation.com
Most people mean well... they don't mean to do things or say things that are meant to be hurtful.
I will say, sorry, I didn't mean to do that!... I didn't mean to say that!
The safest conclusion I've been able to come to is that our crimes are not ones of intent, but ones of thoughtlessness or lack of consideration...
the rule of thumb being to practice being more considerate and thoughtful... easier said than done!
Until later,
Leland
www.counsellingandmediation.com
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Miracles and Magic
God doesn't do magic... only miracles!
If you're looking for a magical solution for your problem, you're probably looking for another bandaid... something that will bring you comfort without effort... i.e. a pill, a drink, winning the lottery, someone else changing...
Magic is just another illusion in a world of illusions.... miracles are possible when we allow ourselves to get outside of our limited perspective... our own egos... to allow ourselves to see something differently... to see other possibilities...
until later,
Leland
www.CounsellingandMediation.com
Leland@CounsellingandMediation.com
705 999-2107
905 510-9117
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Doug Boehm
The Therapist Will See You Now, via the Web
SEE a therapist without leaving your home?
In an article in the American Journal of Psychiatry, Dr. Thomas F. Dwyer, a Massachusetts psychiatrist, says he has practiced “telepsychiatry,” via video teleconferencing, for five years. Its “adoption by psychiatrists and patients,” he predicts, “will proceed quickly if the organizers cope with the irrational responses of some users.”
That article appeared almost 40 years ago (Am J Psychiatry 130:865-869, August 1973. It told how microwave television signals were used to connect a satellite clinic to Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston.
Today, even with the rise of the Internet, virtual therapy hasn’t been widely adopted. But several start-up companies in Canada like www.CounsellingandMediation.com and www.PASSN.com, are trying to make Dr. Dwyer’s decades-old vision a workaday reality.
Therapy delivered over the Internet, says Lynn Bufka, a psychologist and staff member of the American Psychological Association, “may open access to those who might be reluctant to go to an office or to those who might be physically or psychologically unable to.”
Proponents of Internet-based therapy point to some research suggesting that it is effective for certain kinds of conditions, like depression and anxiety. Reporting in The Lancet in 2009, a team of researchers found that cognitive-behavioral therapy delivered remotely to depressed patients in Britain continued to show benefits eight months later.
But companies promoting online therapy in the States must deal with uneven or absent support from insurance companies, Medicare and Medicaid. Most states don’t require insurers to pay for “telehealth” services (those not delivered in person). And any reimbursements can be less substantial than for in-person treatment. Medicare offers reimbursement only if providers are very scarce, as in rural areas.
One disadvantage of online therapy through teleconferencing is that it can be harder to ‘read’ each other’s cues that are not visible, like body language. Humor can misfire, and some people may really benefit from having the personal relationship of therapy.
Counselling and Mediation Services (www.CounsellingandMediation.com) uses skype to provide a virual therapy room experience where visual cues and nuances are easier to observe. These services are also extended for providing Family Mediation services, primarily for couples who are going through marital separation.
Professor Turvey, who is also the vice chairwoman of the telemental health group of the American Telemedicine Association, says her group does have concerns about how prepared online therapists might be for a crisis.
When patients came to a clinic in the earliest days of telepsychiatry, in the 1960s, someone was on hand who was trained to follow an emergency protocol. But homes and offices are “clinically unsupervised settings,” Professor Turvey says. She recommends that the therapist collect emergency contact information at the first e-consultation.
Patients with a strong desire for anonymity might log off, however, before providing such data. Ms. Malik, of CopeToday, says the therapists she represents — 90 percent of whom have private practices in traditional offices — do not collect personal contact information from their online patients. “If you’re counselling and it escalates, we would call 911,” she says.
Almost 40 years have passed since Dr. Dwyer, the psychiatrist, wrote of how he had initially been skeptical of the efficacy of telepsychiatry. His research showed him that it could be effective. But reimbursement policies were not a part of his experiment’s design.
That article appeared almost 40 years ago (Am J Psychiatry 130:865-869, August 1973. It told how microwave television signals were used to connect a satellite clinic to Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston.
Today, even with the rise of the Internet, virtual therapy hasn’t been widely adopted. But several start-up companies in Canada like www.CounsellingandMediation.com and www.PASSN.com, are trying to make Dr. Dwyer’s decades-old vision a workaday reality.
Therapy delivered over the Internet, says Lynn Bufka, a psychologist and staff member of the American Psychological Association, “may open access to those who might be reluctant to go to an office or to those who might be physically or psychologically unable to.”
Proponents of Internet-based therapy point to some research suggesting that it is effective for certain kinds of conditions, like depression and anxiety. Reporting in The Lancet in 2009, a team of researchers found that cognitive-behavioral therapy delivered remotely to depressed patients in Britain continued to show benefits eight months later.
But companies promoting online therapy in the States must deal with uneven or absent support from insurance companies, Medicare and Medicaid. Most states don’t require insurers to pay for “telehealth” services (those not delivered in person). And any reimbursements can be less substantial than for in-person treatment. Medicare offers reimbursement only if providers are very scarce, as in rural areas.
One disadvantage of online therapy through teleconferencing is that it can be harder to ‘read’ each other’s cues that are not visible, like body language. Humor can misfire, and some people may really benefit from having the personal relationship of therapy.
Counselling and Mediation Services (www.CounsellingandMediation.com) uses skype to provide a virual therapy room experience where visual cues and nuances are easier to observe. These services are also extended for providing Family Mediation services, primarily for couples who are going through marital separation.
Professor Turvey, who is also the vice chairwoman of the telemental health group of the American Telemedicine Association, says her group does have concerns about how prepared online therapists might be for a crisis.
When patients came to a clinic in the earliest days of telepsychiatry, in the 1960s, someone was on hand who was trained to follow an emergency protocol. But homes and offices are “clinically unsupervised settings,” Professor Turvey says. She recommends that the therapist collect emergency contact information at the first e-consultation.
Patients with a strong desire for anonymity might log off, however, before providing such data. Ms. Malik, of CopeToday, says the therapists she represents — 90 percent of whom have private practices in traditional offices — do not collect personal contact information from their online patients. “If you’re counselling and it escalates, we would call 911,” she says.
Almost 40 years have passed since Dr. Dwyer, the psychiatrist, wrote of how he had initially been skeptical of the efficacy of telepsychiatry. His research showed him that it could be effective. But reimbursement policies were not a part of his experiment’s design.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
when you separate...
Tensions run high, and couples often make poor decisions in the heat of the moment. Given the mountain of financial, practical and emotional details that have to be sorted, it’s not surprising so many couples wind up making critical mistakes on the road to divorce.
You can make it less stressful by using a family mediator who will help guide you through the process and help you resolve your differences.
Here are some things to NOT DO when you are separating:
Don’t Increase Your Debt
Divorce can be expensive... mediation is typically less expensive and faster. On top of lawyer's fees, you will need money to set up a new household. Though it may be difficult to make ends meet, you should get used to having less now. Remember, your legal bills and court costs may come due before you receive your first payment of alimony or even your share of the marital property. Start a budget... even if you've never done this before... it's better to know what you're dealing with.
Don’t Take It Out On the Kids
Children reflect the attitudes and responses of their parents. Be responsible in what you are allowing them to experience. Children need a supportive environment to deal with divorce. Minimize the amount you talk about the process. It will give you more time to be there for them. Refocus your energy so you can attend their school and after-school events, help them with homework, and take them out once in a while to the movies or the zoo. When you are relaxed, they get more relaxed. Though you should be comfortable talking with your children about the divorce, the point of this divorce is to relieve stress on you and your family. You can read more about the effects on children on my website... www.CounsellingandMediation.com
Don’t Forget to have a look at your Will and Insurance
Divorce does not automatically revoke a will. If you want to prevent your soon-to-be-ex-spouse from receiving the monies and privileges granted them in your will, you need to update your will. You can re-do a will at any time. But if you die before you are granted a divorce, and you have left your spouse nothing, he or she can sue and recover part of your estate.
Don’t Refuse to See a Therapist
Seeing a therapist can help you get through the range of emotions that you will experience during your divorce. It is a good idea to get help before you become extremely depressed or angry. A therapist is not just someone to talk to. They are also a professional who can show you how to relax, how to talk to your kids, and how to remain calm in court. Most importantly, a therapist can help you figure out how to become self-sufficient.
Leland Clipperton
psychotherapist. family mediator
705 999-2107
905 510-9117
leland@CounsellingandMediation.com
www.CounsellingandMediation.com
You can make it less stressful by using a family mediator who will help guide you through the process and help you resolve your differences.
Here are some things to NOT DO when you are separating:
Don’t Increase Your Debt
Divorce can be expensive... mediation is typically less expensive and faster. On top of lawyer's fees, you will need money to set up a new household. Though it may be difficult to make ends meet, you should get used to having less now. Remember, your legal bills and court costs may come due before you receive your first payment of alimony or even your share of the marital property. Start a budget... even if you've never done this before... it's better to know what you're dealing with.
Don’t Take It Out On the Kids
Children reflect the attitudes and responses of their parents. Be responsible in what you are allowing them to experience. Children need a supportive environment to deal with divorce. Minimize the amount you talk about the process. It will give you more time to be there for them. Refocus your energy so you can attend their school and after-school events, help them with homework, and take them out once in a while to the movies or the zoo. When you are relaxed, they get more relaxed. Though you should be comfortable talking with your children about the divorce, the point of this divorce is to relieve stress on you and your family. You can read more about the effects on children on my website... www.CounsellingandMediation.com
Don’t Forget to have a look at your Will and Insurance
Divorce does not automatically revoke a will. If you want to prevent your soon-to-be-ex-spouse from receiving the monies and privileges granted them in your will, you need to update your will. You can re-do a will at any time. But if you die before you are granted a divorce, and you have left your spouse nothing, he or she can sue and recover part of your estate.
Don’t Refuse to See a Therapist
Seeing a therapist can help you get through the range of emotions that you will experience during your divorce. It is a good idea to get help before you become extremely depressed or angry. A therapist is not just someone to talk to. They are also a professional who can show you how to relax, how to talk to your kids, and how to remain calm in court. Most importantly, a therapist can help you figure out how to become self-sufficient.
Leland Clipperton
psychotherapist. family mediator
705 999-2107
905 510-9117
leland@CounsellingandMediation.com
www.CounsellingandMediation.com
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